Business Writing: How to write like a pro? -- Part 3

Blackadder and Baldrick
Image from leighkcunningham

So did you guys enjoyed the show? I wrote an article recommending this TV series to advanced learners on 21st December 2009, titled TV Drama: The Black Adder (for English lovers). It was meant to be a Christmas present recommendation for those who enjoy learning English through TV dramas. Thinking about it, it is time to rewatch it again. You know I am a big fan of Rowan Atkinson, Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry and "S Baldrick" Tony Robinson.

The Black Adder series really allows me to appreciate the beauty of the English language in a hilarious way. Learning English can be so much fun!!!

Image from filmonic.com

Oh, by the way, Rowan Atkinson is NOW IN HONG KONG to film Johnny English 2 !!! I would dream of a chance to speak to him and tell him how much I appreciate his work! But I guess I will have to wait outside his Tsim Sha Tsui hotel all day and have the ability to lose his bodyguards first! HAHA!

Anyway, let's get back to our homework check (Note: There are many ways to rewrite this, I'm just showing one of them):

Dr. Samuel Johnson was born in Great Britain. He was born on 18th September 1709. He was an author and he is most famous for his work Dictionary of the English Language. The dictionary was published in 1755. The dictionary took him 9 years to finish writing. Black Adder the Third is a English TV series. In the episode Ink and Incapability (1987), Dr. Samuel Johnson has only one copy of his dictionary. Blackadder's servant Baldrick burnt it and Blackadder has only one weekend to rewrite it. *************************** Locky's Version Born 18th September 1709, British author Dr. Samuel Johnson is most famous for his work Dictionary of the English Language which he spent 9 years to complete prior to its publishing in 1755. In the episode Ink and Incapability (1987) from the English TV series Black Adder the Third, Dr. Samuel Johnson's only copy of dictionary was burnt by Blackadder's servant Baldrick, forcing Blackadder to rewrite it in one weekend.

From the new version, we can see that the sentences flow because the object in one sentence is always chained to the subject of the next sentence, so forming one new sentence.

The first two sentences of the original version are easy to combine,

"Dr. Samuel Johnson was born in Great Britain. He was born on 18th September 1709."

just take away the repeated "He was born",

"Dr. Samuel Johnson was born in Great Britain on 18th September 1709."

In the next sentence,

"He was an author and he ..."

we only need the word 'author', so you can put it before the name,

"Author Dr. Samuel Johnson was born in Great Britain on 18th September 1709."

Then we look at the rest all together,

"... and he is most famous for his work Dictionary of the English Language. The dictionary was published in 1755. The dictionary took him 9 years to finish writing."

removing all 'The dictionary', you can add some words to help you link up the sentences,

"... and he is most famous for his work Dictionary of the English Language which was published in 1755 and took him 9 years to finish writing."

Now, if we combined our two new parts together,

"Author Dr. Samuel Johnson was born in Great Britain on 18th September 1709 and is most famous for his work Dictionary of the English Language which was published in 1755 and took him 9 years to finish writing."

Now, do a little "facial" for the sentence and you might arrive at my final version too!

Homework:

Now, try the second half my yourself, step-by-step, and post them as comments for me to see.


Resources:
Previous Entry -- Business Writing: How to write like a pro? -- Part 2
http://lockyep.blogspot.com/2010/11/business-writing-how-to-write-like-pro_19.html

TV Drama: The Black Adder (for English lovers)
http://lockyep.blogspot.com/2009/12/tv-drama-black-adder-for-english-lovers.html

News Article from Filmonic.com
http://filmonic.com/gillian-anderson-dominic-west-rosamund-pike-join-jonny-english-reborn

News: Rowan Atkinson takes his life in his hands as he shoots scenes for Johnny English Reborn in London
http://lockyep.blogspot.com/2010/10/news-rowan-atkinson-takes-his-life-in.html